The Wind and My Mind Won’t Stop Spinning

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. Psalm 73:23

Excerpts from Psalm 139

1 O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths,you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”

12 Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

I can’t stop thinking about Springfield. Not just about the people that I miss, but about the city as well. A few months ago, God hit me with a piece of His heart for the city, and ever since I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for too long. I miss the music/art district. How basically every weekend we would go to The Front Porch and watch shows and walk through all the art galleries. I miss being a youth leader at NorthPoint Church with Cramster. : ) I’m still praying for Journey Church. Even though I only went there for a couple months, their impact on my life has been incredible. My first shot of espresso. First attempt at being less shy and therefore making myself volunteer at The Front Porch which was AMAZING! Venturing to abandon buildings just to take endless pictures. I miss my best friends Leah Cram and Josh Lopez, who are now the CUTEST couple alive. I loved my life there.

I’ve been realizing that much of this nostalgia is due to the fact that when I was there, I could be myself and didn’t feel any restriction or any pressure to be something I’m not. Here it’s different though, and due to some self-discovery I think it’s because when I came here, I stopped doing all the things I used to love. I stopped going to see indie films, going to shows, walking through art galleries, going to coffee shops just because, venturing through a city just to see what’s there. It’s almost as if I stopped doing what I loved to do and started doing what I thought I was supposed to love to do. To say that it’s time for change, would be an understatement.

 

 

 

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